I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm like, not good at living.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
