Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
