id be glad to
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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