just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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