I want to make a zoo with you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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