You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
