NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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