About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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