Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
