So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
