I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
