One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
