I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
