when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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