Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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