I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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