Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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