Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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