So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
