I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
