either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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