she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
