I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
COCAINE IS GR8
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
