I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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