Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
