we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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