Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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