I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
