Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Congratulations! We have a period
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
