yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
