Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
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I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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