I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
two words: eviction party
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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