I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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