my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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