; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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