We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
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it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
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I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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