Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
