you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
