So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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