I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
