when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
