At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
