I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
