Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
