i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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