YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
my liver is dry heaving
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
