the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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