I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
