You smell like a Billy Joel song
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
