We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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