Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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