Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
