I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
