I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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