in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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