if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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