why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
