why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
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Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
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I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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