he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
